For the first time in the show's history the auditions took place in Pittsburgh. There were some genuinely interesting candidates in the bunch, and not a ton of mockery toward the unfortunate, so for me that made for a decent episode. Special commendations to Steven Tyler's cheapo sound-effects machine, which lightened up the proceedings a bit.

Again, I won't go over every single contestant, just the five auditions I found the most memorable. Disagree with my take? Did I leave out your favorite/most hated? Preach it in the comments.

Heejun Han, 22, from Flushing, NY, is a very strange human being. He sang Michael Bolton's "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?" He had all of the markings of a joke audition - bizarre behavior that includes, but is not limited to, saying that Ryan Seacrest's head is as small as his fist, constant shaking of his limbs, a deadpan delivery, a group of friends and family who have never heard him sing, weird offputting whining - it goes on like this. But he can actually sing! Is he the best? No, but he's got a decent voice and is fascinating to watch. His oddball behavior will make him a cult favorite, I think. He got three yesses. What a delightful, weird little man.

Reed Grimm, 26, from Wisconsin, comes from a showbiz family and has been on stage since he was 2 years old. Reed is also an odd bird, but I feel like his weirdness is authentic. By which I mean, I don't feel like he's acting. I think he genuinely just doesn't give a shit if people think he's weird. (Although I suspect he loves the attention he receives for his off-kilter choices.) For his audition he picked, of all things, the theme song to "Family Matters." He scats, he's jazzy, he moves his body likes he's in pain, and he kept his eyes shut tight for the whole audition - he is bizarre. He's like Casey from last year, but even less mainstream. Actually he's a mix between Casey and Paul. He got three yesses as well.

Creighton Fraker, 28, is a "starving artist" from Queens. He sang an original composition he wrote on a bus from New York to Pittsburgh all about "Idol" and the judges and how he's going to win. And it was instantly clear why Creighton is starving. The song itself was stupid, and his voice is, as Jennifer commented, a mix of Jamiroquai and Justin Timberlake. I would not consider that a compliment, since those are two of the most annoying male voices I can think of. When he switched to "Who's Loving You," however, he was so much better, and I really got into it. He still goes overboard with the squealiness and the affectations, but I think he's definitely interesting. The judges all but went down on the guy. Steven Tyler in particular was all about him, which makes sense - he is totally a Steven iconoclast type. I'll be curious to see how Creighton does in Hollywood, because I get the sense that he's not great with following instructions/rules.

Eben Franckewitz, 15, from Ohio, looks like an actual child, just like David Leathers from last night. Why is our country suddenly so hellbent on pimping out its children before they even go through puberty? Can't they have some semblance of a childhood before being fed into the all-consuming fame machine? Eben does seem like a nice kid, with very supportive parents. He picked "Ain't No Sunshine," which I thought was a particularly stupid song choice for him. He's 15. He cannot possibly have any personal connection to this song. And that's what we got: a totally emotionless, perfectly competent recitation of a song that is about longing and the ache of loneliness. Eben can sing, no question. But he's like a little porcelain figurine instead of a person. If that makes any sense. Anyway, three yesses.

Travis Orlando, 17, from the Bronx, was pimped pretty hard last year before getting cut at some point in Vegas. He worked the poor, downtrodden, sing father angle pretty hard then, but he shoved his misery at us even harder this time around. He sang "Isn't She Lovely," and the audition was solid. It was well sung, with some emotion tied into it. The interesting thing is, Steven and Jennifer came after him because they felt he wasn't showing his true passion. Where was that critique of Eben, who ostensibly sang a much more passionate song as though his emotion chip had yet to be installed?

The judges jerked him around a bit and Travis was on the verge of losing it, revealing that since last year he has dropped out of high school, his mother walked out on his family, and I believe he said that he now lives with his ailing father and brother in a shelter or something. I would like to hear Travis's mother's take on all this, because he's basically painting her like a terrible human being. Travis is an emotional mess and is WAY too invested in this show. Do you really think being one of a hundred-something contestants on a reality show is going to improve your life? I don't! Clearly last year's appearance only brought your life to another level of hell.

I'm not saying that to be glib. I'm saying that because we all see these people who are really struggling, pinning all their dreams on something as stupid as a singing competition, and I just cringe when I think about what happens to the vast, vast majority of people the show uses and discards. A television show is almost never going to fix the very serious problems in your life. Where is that PSA? Seriously, Travis, if you're reading this: go back to school. Enough.

In total 38 golden tickets got handed out in Pittsburgh, and thankfully none of them went to that stupid planking girl.

Next: The show is back on Sunday (DAMMIT!), with auditions on an aircraft carrier. What a spectacular use of taxpayer money!