Children, RuPaul is back, and she's brought with her 13 new ladyboys vying to be crowned America's Next Drag Superstar. This year's baker's dozen includes a smattering of plussies, a couple of fish, a celebrity impersonator, and even a zombie drag queen. Now that's entertainment.

The Season 4 premiere followed the same format as every other premiere episode of this show: photo shoot with the scorching hot Mike Ruiz, followed by a create-a-look challenge using unconventional materials. Since we're living in the Mayan end times, the theme for the challenge was the end of the world. This was met with varying degrees of success.

The photo shoot was a total bomb. This time the girls had to balance on a rotating platform while the Pit Crew - bless their hearts, and their tighty-whitey-clad asses - hosed the queens down with neon paint, I guess to resemble nuclear waste. Several of the queens struggled with the slipping and spinning, and at least two - of course it had to be two of the biggest, Jiggly Caliente and Latrice Royale - actually fell to the floor. Pretty much all the photos sucked, and somehow Jiggly's shot was deemed the winner. That was total bullshit. Her face was barely visible.

The elimination challenge worked much better. The show cut to a sepia-toned segment in which this season's queens met Ru at an abandoned hotel. The whole thing felt like a modern "Night of the Living Dead," and that was the point - Ru explained that after the apocalypse, only three things will survive: cockroaches, Cher, and drag queens. Out popped a horde of zombie drag queens - including contestants from seasons past, like Shanel, Ongina, Raven, and Rochester's own Pandora Boxx - clutching various fabrics and fashion items. The new girls had to run around and mop the items they wanted for their post-apocalyptic chic outfit without getting eaten. The best thing to come out of all of this was, at the end of the segment, Shangela was torn apart by zombies. So all is right with the world.

The runway was your typical mix of WTF-ery with a few notable exceptions. I won't bother trying to dissect what everyone made, but this is a good time to rundown the new queens with my initial reactions. Note that I'm listing them most favorite to least.

-Sharon Needles: Sharon was my instant favorite as soon as the new queens were unveiled months ago. She's a goth/horror queen. That's novel! As a bonus, Sharon is smart, quick witted, and goofy as hell. I love her. I was concerned that her shtick might be too narrow for this competition, but the previews suggested more versatility to her look than I initially supposed. Her runway look this time was fucking amazing, a simple, ratty body stocking paired with perfect accessories and zombified make-up, and for the coupe de grace that bitch spit fake blood out of her mouth as she stomped down the runway. YES. That was a finale-caliber performance. My new fear is that she's peaked too soon. If she's not able to top, or at least match, that level of commitment and creativity we're all going to spend the next three months saying, "Remember when?" Here's hoping she proves me wrong. She won the night hands down.

-Latrice Royale: I was in love with Latrice as soon as she walked into the You Better Work Room. (Incidentally, she was the last to arrive. Every previous winner of this show has arrived last. Food for thought.) She has an obvious joie de vivre, a huge personality, and having that bosso voice boom out lines like, "The shade, the shade..." while fanning herself like a Sugarbaker sister - this is what I want from this show. Of the three plus-sized contestants this season, Latrice seems like our best hope for a big girl to finally make the finals in this competition. She has been through a lot (prison, for instance) and seems to have a very solid sense of self. That is critical for plus-sized contestants, espcially here. I have high hopes for Latrice.

-Willam: This will be a controversial pick, since I saw a lot of post-premiere hate for Willam on the internets. But I found him/her to be wildly entertaining. Willam has scored legit work on multiple TV shows and movies, looks good, and has a hilariously dry delivery. He had me at the diabetes joke. I'm not surprised that some of the other queens are intimidated. They should be.

-The Princess: I'm fascinated by this one. He's genderfuck, but in a softer, sweeter way than we're used to. He created two great-looking outfits for the runway show, both of them very creative interpretations of the challenge. And he seems really likable out of drag. Could there be a showmance brewing between Princess and Sharon? That could be intriguing.

-Phi Phi O'Hara: Phi Phi is clearly our bitch this season, and I am thrilled. Because not only is she spitting serious venom, but it looks like she's got the goods to back it up. She was furious when she didn't make the top honors on the runway (I would agree; I have no idea why Leshauwn was up there). She appears to have serious make-up and sewing skills. And lord knows she's got an opinion on EVERYONE, and is not afraid to speak her mind. Of course, almost all of her critiques - of Sharon, of Willam - were motivated by insecurity, which is only going to grow worse as the season progresses. But I think Phi Phi's in it for the long haul. As an aside: I think, out of drag, Phi Phi is the hottest guy we've ever had on this show. And hipsters are typically not my bag.

-Chad Michaels: At 40, Chad is the oldest contestant in the competition, and something of a legend already. She's a well-known celebrity drag impersonator. Chad acquitted herself well in the premiere - I thought her photo was the best, and her runway look was cool and reptilian. But she's not popping off the screen the way I expected her to.

-Madame LaQueer: Madame is the second of the plus-sized contestants, and is clearly going for the comedy angle. I liked most of what we saw of Madame this episode, but in "Untucked" she started to fall apart, complaining that she broke her shoe, that she shouldn't be in heels because she hurt her ankle, etc. etc. etc. When the cracks start appearing in Episode 1, you know a queen is not long for this competition.

-Milan: Milan thinks awfully highly of herself - she's apparently a singer, actor, I don't what else. Milan needs to update her look, because this is not 1984 and Milan is not Diahann Carroll. I think that, in the right challenges, Milan could be a threat. But I also think she's very weak in other areas (see: sewing, presentation, personality), and that's going to cost her. I get Sahara Davenport vibes from her.

-Leshauwn Beyond: I don't understand why Leshauwn was in the top on this challenge. The headdress was ambitious, but poorly constructed. The dress looked cool but didn't say "post-apocalyptic" to me at all (that makes sense, since Leshauwn, poor thing, couldn't pronounce the word). She seems sweet but lacks gumption, which Ru called her out on repeatedly in the first episode. That could be setting her up for an underdog edit, but I just don't see her lasting long.

-Kenya Michaels: I am unconvinced that Kenya is biologically male. That bitch is so fish I can't believe it. She makes S2's Tatianna look practically butch. She reminds me of a pint-sized Yara Sofia, and she's got some moves and tons of spark. Her firebird costume this time was an interesting angle, but too off the mark. And she really does have some bizarre thing going on with her mouth. I mean, there's drag fish, and then there's looking like an actual fish. Close up shop, sweetie.

-Dida Ritz: Dida failed to make any impact at all. I think she was the one with the parched-looking wig in the beginning. Pretty enough, I guess, although the runway outfit was too hooch for my tastes. She just seems like total fodder.

-Jiggly Caliente: I was looking forward to Jiggly prior to the start of the season. Total letdown in almost every way. Jiggly is a mess. Cute enough when she's in her own threads, but by her own admission she has no costume construction abilities (and points to Leshauwn for arguing that this is Season 4 of "Drag Race," and Jiggly really should know better at this point), her make-up skills are poor, and - this is going to sound mean, but it must be said - those teeth are a huge distraction. She's also whiny, entitled, defensive, and morose. I understand that it must be extra hard for larger queens on this show. I can't even imagine the amount of mental stress they must be under. But watching them crack one after another, year after year, becomes tiresome. It's not entertaining to watch, and it's hard to root for people who can't root for themselves. Jiggly did OK in her lipsynch - she had good energy - but if that's all she's got, she's screwed.

-Alisa Summers: The first sashay away went to Alisa, who was obviously a cannon-fodder queen. Hopefully future contestants of this show will learn the lesson that it takes more than a pretty face (and Alisa's quite pretty, both in and out of drag) and a breast plate to make it in this competition. Her runway outfit was embarrassing and her lipsynch was lifeless.

Next: Drag-queen professional wrestling. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!