ALL THE EMMYS! I don't care what else airs, this episode should win all of the Emmy Awards this year. I challenge you to find a more entertaining hour of television. We started with gigantic asses, got to drag queens body-slamming each other, and wrapped things up with a human gumball machine getting her ass stomped during a lipsynch. No other show on earth can give you that. And then on "Untucked" we got a PSA about the dangers of black-market plastic surgery and the importance of loving yourself. I'm not even kidding!

The mini-challenge tasked the queens with stuffing their spandex with the biggest ass pads possible. The results were amusing, with almost all the girls serving up banji-girl realness. I thought the winners were exactly right: Phi Phi O'Hara, Chad Michaels, and Willam. RuPaul announced that they would be the captains of the three teams in the elimination challenge, the debut of WTF: World's Trashiest Wrestling Foundation. YES.

Gym-class picks shook out like this: Phi Phi snatched Latrice Royale, LeShauwn Beyond, and Kenya Michaels; Chad nabbed Sharon Needles, Madame LaQueer, and Milan; and Willam got Dida Ritz, The Princess, and Jiggly Caliente.

The teams got to work with a trio of professional wrestlers to learn some moves. I will confess that I found it very hard to concentrate during that part of the program because DEAR GOD, "Hollywood's Own" Joey Ryan, one of the coaches, is maybe the hottest man I have ever seen in my life, ever. Scorching. A perfect specimen. Drool. I was drooling. I...I have to take a moment.

OK. Sorry about that.

For the challenge each team had to split themselves into two "heroes" and two "villains," create characters, a storyline, and choreography and makeshift scripts. That's a lot, but almost every one of the queens did a fantastic job. I do think we have some really fun contestants this season, even with the high Bust-o-Meter.

Team Phi Phi: The Bitter Betties vs. L.A.'s Finest. Phi Phi is a surprisingly good actress, and Latrice is just generally awesome. Kenya was like a howler monkey on the sidelines - that chick is NUTS. LeShauwn was terrible. There was a great slap fight between Phi Phi and Kenya, and some hilarious lines. ("Now I'm gonna show you how to really beat a mug, bitch!") This one had it all: powder in the face, Latrice actually throwing Kenya several times - I personally thought they should have won.

Team Willam: DWF'd vs. Thunder Booties. For a working actor Willam was pretty terrible, whereas Jiggly rose in my estimation. Princess and Jiggly double-teamed Willam, while Dida did NOTHING that we saw. In the end Willam's shorts got ripped off and there was blurrage. This was easily the worst of the bunch (but still entertaining).

Team Chad: The Knockouts vs. The Bitch Kickers. The story here is that the glam girls (Sharon and Milan, who both looked great and did some tongue kissing) discovered they had contracted VD, because the bad guys (Chad and Madame) were disased sluts who slept with their boyfriends. HA! The set up, lines, and acting were better than the actual wrestling (that we saw), and I thought Madame - though doing some impressive physical moves - looked a bit lost in the midst. Milan was a nonentity once they got in the ring.

The guest judges this week were NBA champs Rick Fox (who seemed to enjoy himself) and John Salley (who seemed mystified as to what the hell he was doing there). Billy B was on deck instead of Santino, thank god. Can we make that submission permanent, Ru? Even when he was being hyper critical Billy was still more enjoyable than Santino's monotone whine.

The runway assignment was best girly-girl attire. Kenya did this bizarre robot-doll thing but looked fierce. Sharon showed that she can do legit glamour. Jiggly needs to blend her make-up better, and lay off the lollipops (that might explain her dreadful dental situation). Milan has terrible fashion sense. Dida continued to look totally broke (Rick Fox, of all people, had the line of the night when he said Dida's "Sex in the City" look was more sex in the alley). Princess looked amazing in a future-popster outfit; she is our couture queen of the season. Willam's runway walk was terrible, but he has a great bod.

The winning team was Chad Michaels' group, with Madame LaQueer and Chad being named actual challenge winners. They each got a selection of wigs, but neither got immunity.

The judges' criticisms were interesting this time around. Even though the remaining teams were in the "bottom," really only a few of the queens got any grief. Dida was rightly called out for her messy, messy looks. Phi Phi was told that her make-up severely ages her, which I suppose is true. But it was obviously The Princess and LeShauwn who were screwed, as both were given the dreaded "no personality" edit. Although that's not entirely true. I think Princess does have a personality; she's just very sweet and, in her own words, "zen." Whereas relative newbie LeShauwn is simply in way over her falsies and has no idea what she's doing.

And indeed, the two of them were up for elimination, lip synching to "Bad Girls" by Donna Summer. Toot toot, heeeeeey, beep beep! LeShauwn took off her shoes immediately - a drag no-no -- and started pulling her face in weird ways. She also didn't know the words. Neither was great, but Princess to me seemed more authentic and seasoned. And thankfully, Princess was spared, and LeShauwn was cut. She seems sweet, but that was an easy boot.

Over on "Untucked" we got to meet, via video, Sharon Needles's hilarious drag queen girlfriend/boyfriend, Alaska. This was relevant because Jiggly had said some nasty things about drag queens dating drag queens to Sharon, which led into the half-hour "Destroying Jiggly Caliente" show. And you know what? I'm OK with it. Over the course of these two episodes Jiggly has proved herself to be an overly sensitive mess of a human being with limited talent and a whole lot of bad attitude. Listen to Debbie Harry: rip her to shreds.

Cut from the main episode was a sequence where the non-winning team members were asked who should go home, and almost every one of them said Jiggly. This led to a personal intervention in the Interior Illusions Lounge, in which Latrice played Oprah (I'm not being racist, I swear!) with Jiggly, telling her that she needs to love herself for who she is. The surprising thing here is that Phi Phi - a frontrunner for Head Bitch in Charge this season - also came to Jiggly's aid (after berating her for using her weight as an excuse), sharing her own story of childhood poverty and abuse, and telling Jiggly that she was there as a padded shoulder to cry on. Aw!

Unfortunately the moment was ruined for me when Jiggly once again played the "I'm a mess because my mom was taken from me suddenly" card, which she already used last week. I am very lucky to still have my mother, so I do not know what that is like. However, by Jiggly's own admission her mother died in 2007. That's four years before this show filmed. You're telling me that you're still THAT RAW over the situation four years later? Sorry, not buying. Excuses. Not likable. Not a bit.

Jiggly furthered her asshole reputation when Sharon called her out on her derogatory statements toward queen-on-queen relationships. Jiggly said that it was just her opinion, and that Sharon ought not take it personally when she says she finds her relationship "disgusting," or says that she needs a "real man" (or something to that effect). I wonder what Jiggly would say if a straight person said any of the above to Jiggly about her gay relationships. Would she take it personally that a person was saying homophobic things? Or would she simply respect that person's "opinion"? I'm betting not.

The other "Untucked" exchange of note was Chad Michaels explaining how she fucked up her face with black-market silicone in order to look like Cher. It was actually pretty moving, and something that anyone thinking about surgical enhancement should watch. There's a reason that crazy shit like that concrete-butt-injection lady happens.

Next: infomercials! Natalie Cole! Sharon freaking people out!